Sex Toys & the Ex

It’s sad to say, but even the most sexually superb relationships can come to an end. So I recently learned when the physical distance between myself (in Berlin) and a lover (in Oslo) became too great of an obstacle to overcome, despite the overwhelming excellence of our bedroom adventures. With that decision made, we had one more thing to sort out: who gets custody of the sex toys?

Like all of my favorite sexual relationships, ours included a fair deal of fun—be it roleplaying, BDSM or other exciting explorations of our limits. As a result, we had amassed a rather large stash of adult toys, most of which we stored in a drawer next to my bed. 

The day came when she would come to collect the clothes she’d left in my closet over dozens of visits and say our final goodbyes. In the interest in keeping things as efficient as possible, I began to assemble everything in one bag. As the shoes and shirts, outerwear and underwear began to pile up, I found myself pondering what I should do with the stash in the bed stand, as well as a somewhat pricey bustier that I had purchased at her request, but had been worn for less time than it took to actually fasten the thing to her fine frame.

Wanting to be sensitive, as it was I who had ended things, I asked a female friend her opinion. We agreed that anything hygienically questionable should be disposed of, since any future partner might not be down with recycled devices, even ones that can be completely sterilized. I would keep the outer-play accoutrements for spanking, pinching, slapping and the like, as they had been my purchases. And the frilly lingerie would be shoved as far to the bottom of the bag as possible, in the hope that it wouldn’t be encountered until hurt feelings had adequately faded.

She came and left without any discussion of the decisions I had made—regarding the contents of the drawer or otherwise—and I genuinely hope she finds someone who can give her the things I ultimately could not. I, in turn, have kept the special drawer closed in the subsequent months, not quite ready to begin the collection all over again.


Joshua is a professional writer and editor covering music, art, travel, food and technology in Berlin.

Image credit: Jörg Schubert / Creative Commons

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